My Biggest Insecurities | Height, Boobs, Skin & More!
Hey guys! I definitely wanted to do a sit down/chit chatty post about something that affects not only myself but I think every human that has walked this Earth in some way or another. Looking back, there's a lot of things that I used to be uncomfortable about which contributed me to having low self-esteem and caused me to compare myself to others.
I went through the phase of admiring women who were years older than me/in their early twenties. I went through this phase when I was 13/14, wasted time wishing and hoping that one day I would like them. Unrealistically, I was comparing myself to people who were almost a decade older than me which is crazy. And being the portray-all-things-great platform that Instagram is, there was no pictures of these women at my age. If there was any #throwbackthursday photo posted - it would be from when they were cute babies/toddlers. I automatically assumed at the time that they never went through an 'ugly duckling' stage and they were 'swans' all their lives.
So after much crying and hating myself - I let time do its thing and began to care less about my appearance. I was forced to because I was not someone who could buy whatever clothes she wanted (with what money?), I couldn't sign up for the gym, I was not allowed to wear make up (heck, wearing nail polish was an everyday battle) - overall, there's a lot of restrictions when it comes to altering your appearance as a young teenager. I had to accept what I looked like by force.
As always I am grateful. I invested time not into my appearance - but into my personality and mentality. Into my studies, reading and other various hobbies I stumbled across during that time.
Plus the older I got, the more my appearance changed. I outgrew insecurities and discovered many more. It is what it is. I would also like to hint that around 15, many people began to do the "Glo up challenge" which basically showed people what they looked like during puberty and after puberty. And it's safe to say that appearances DO get better.
So why worry eh? :)
My Insecurities At Age 11-13:
1. My skin
Now my skin has always been a big one. Before starting secondary school, I considered myself to have the worst skin out of all my friends. I had pimples/spots ALL over my forehead which eventually began to be pigmented as I picked at them. This left my skin looking dark and discoloured. My smooth, pre-puberty soft, golden skin was flipping GONE.
I was now left with mottled, splotchy skin. I want to do a separate post for my skin because I believe I have come such a long way, its definitely not perfect but it's defo better. Overall it was terrible but it's funny because nobody used to tease me/bully me for my skin but it was obviously not the best. This was by far the down fall of my self esteem but after accepting the fact that this was just gonna be a problem for a while (hormones, menstrual cycle and all that jazz) I just stopped dealing with it.
I was now left with mottled, splotchy skin. I want to do a separate post for my skin because I believe I have come such a long way, its definitely not perfect but it's defo better. Overall it was terrible but it's funny because nobody used to tease me/bully me for my skin but it was obviously not the best. This was by far the down fall of my self esteem but after accepting the fact that this was just gonna be a problem for a while (hormones, menstrual cycle and all that jazz) I just stopped dealing with it.
Over the years my skin has had its ups and downs but I do feel this will shortly fizzle out as my skin is much better now compared to how it was when I was 11-13
2. My natural hair
I was teased for my natural hair in primary school. I didn't have the same straight, curly or chemically pressed locks that most of the girls in my school had. Now my hair was NOT slayed then but the fact that I was targeted because I had something different really annoys me till today because I am not the first nor the last girl that is to be teased for something that naturally grows out of her own scalp! It frustrates me when young girls/boys are teased for things they cannot control: weight, the fact they have acne, for flip sake - something so common, for wearing glasses, HAIR! It upset me at the time but with everything I try to do when people come at me negatively, I change the negative into a positive. At 12, I invested time (like a good year) into just learning, researching and experimenting with my natural hair. After years at being stuck at shoulder length, I have bra-strap/midback length hair. A post might come up so watch this space!
2. My natural hair
I was teased for my natural hair in primary school. I didn't have the same straight, curly or chemically pressed locks that most of the girls in my school had. Now my hair was NOT slayed then but the fact that I was targeted because I had something different really annoys me till today because I am not the first nor the last girl that is to be teased for something that naturally grows out of her own scalp! It frustrates me when young girls/boys are teased for things they cannot control: weight, the fact they have acne, for flip sake - something so common, for wearing glasses, HAIR! It upset me at the time but with everything I try to do when people come at me negatively, I change the negative into a positive. At 12, I invested time (like a good year) into just learning, researching and experimenting with my natural hair. After years at being stuck at shoulder length, I have bra-strap/midback length hair. A post might come up so watch this space!
My Insecurities At Age 14-15:
1. My facial features
This was the phase where I would look in the mirror and just wanted to break the mirror. My phenotype was just not appealing to me. I didn't see the beauty in myself. That was just it. Overall you can't change the way you look. No matter how much surgery you have - you will still resemble yourself. You cannot look like an exact replica of anyone but yourself.
But at the end of the day, there's a reason why two people can never look alike- not even twins. So no matter how much I dreamed I looked like someone else - it just was not happening. I had to swallow and keep down the fact that this my face and it was here until God calls me home.
But at the end of the day, there's a reason why two people can never look alike- not even twins. So no matter how much I dreamed I looked like someone else - it just was not happening. I had to swallow and keep down the fact that this my face and it was here until God calls me home.
2. My boobs
My boobs are very small in my opinion and its very annoying because I've always considered myself to have bigger cups - that's just the image I've always had of myself. But I wasn't blessed with a bigger bust and the majority of my friends have bigger sizes than me. There's legit nothing there for me lol. Its something that I'm slowly, veeeery, veeeery slowly accepting. It's hard because I honestly thought my chest would explode by 16 - my cups have not changed since I was like 8. And I guess that's alright. Obviously I'm relating this to myself; there's gorgeous, beautiful women with small cup sizes (they're even making me become more open to my own) this is relating to my own unrealistic image of myself which I need to begin to erase.
3. Wearing glasses
OMG! Guys I hated wearing glasses, now with all the dark circles I have - I couldn't be more appreciative of them. I hated the way they looked on me. I even did exercises such as the William Bates method in the hopes that my myopia could just disappear one day. This is an insecurity I've gotten over. I would definitely consider doing LASIK/LASEK eye surgery as I hate when I lose my glasses - I have honestly cried out of pure frustration that everything was blurry. But if I was to get 20/20 vision again, I would definitely get non-prescripted frames because I love glasses on me now.
My Insecurities Now:
1. My height
I find my height as a favourite and an insecurity. An insecurity because I honestly am the shortest amongst my girlfriends. The only time I can be a couple of millimetres above them is when I wore heels at prom. I find being short 'cute' but it's a pain sometimes when having to reach for things and also just being amongst people who are average height (not too tall or short) or tall. This became an insecurity when it was heavily pointed out by 90% of people that I came across. It wasn't an insecurity before because it wasn't as noticeable when I was younger. Now that everyone was having a growth spurt and surpassing me - all of a sudden it was: "OMG JESSICA YOU'RE LIKE SOOO SHORT!"
Deep down I love my height for the most part but it is something I am weary of and is made obvious when around people my age.
2. My teeth
I never had braces. The dentist I visited to see if I could get them under NHS stated that my teeth where not in that bad of a condition to get braces under NHS. Which in other words, I had to pay £600+ to get braces/get them done as opposed to getting them for free like many people my age - simply because my teeth were 'not that bad'...
My teeth are not straight/aligned. I've never had fillings or anything like that. They're OK but I hate them. If someone was to take a picture of me at the wrong angle, my teeth will ruin the photo. That's why I can't candidly laugh in pictures or basically smile with teeth in them.
It is my biggest insecurity - I do plan to pay what I'm assuming will be a leg and an arm for them to be aligned, straightened and 'perfect'. It's just frustrating that I didn't get them but yh, it is what it is.
3. My weight
I've always been slim framed. Some of my friends have complimented my body type which I'm appreciative of but my weight is something I do want to alter because it's not where I want it to be. I want to obviously make sure that my body is healthy but I would want my legs to be more toned and my hips to be a bit wider. I would want to go to the gym. I don't see myself getting surgery or altering anything surgically because I don't see myself going through all that.
I feel comfortable in my body now - I just want to 'tweak' it/better it by going to the gym and just working out and getting it into better shape to how I want it to be. That's all.
And that's it guys. Obviously, some of these I will out grow and I will find new things I may not like about my physically appearance or even some characteristic flaws but that's a-okay.
If anything, I'm understanding that to feed the mind and spirit is just as vital as investing time into your looks. Of course it's great to slay and to steal the show but that's all without purpose if you don't cater to your mentality and spirit. Until the next post guys x
"All that glitters is not gold" - Proverb
If anything, I'm understanding that to feed the mind and spirit is just as vital as investing time into your looks. Of course it's great to slay and to steal the show but that's all without purpose if you don't cater to your mentality and spirit. Until the next post guys x
"All that glitters is not gold" - Proverb
